If you've never been deeply hurt by someone else, don't bother reading this

Just some interesting, possibly life-changing stuff from a book I'm reading:

"People who score high on forgiveness as a personality trait are less likely to be depressed, anxious, hostile, narcissistic, or exploitative and are also less likely to become dependent on drugs or nicotine. They are more likely to be empathic. Combat veterans suffering from PTSD experience less depression and fewer symptoms of trauma if they are able to forgive themselves and others. 'High forgivers' (those who score high on forgiveness as a trait) show less reactivity in blood pressure and arterial pressure when asked about conflict with a parent or caregiver. In contrast, those who score low in forgiveness show high reactivity and poor recovery...

"In one study of thirty divorced or permanently separated mothers with young children, those who had forgiven their ex-husbands reported a greater sense of self-acceptance and purpose and lower levels of anxiety and depression. ... One 2001 study found that the impact of forgiveness was truly global: from age 18 onward, the extent to which people reported the tendency to be forgiving strongly buffered them against psychological stress.

"Just deciding to forgive someone doesn't work very well, according to studies. Far more effective is the process of invoking love, compassion, and empathy and practicing forgiveness exercises. ... A one-on-one forgiveness intervention conducted by Robert Enright was highly effective in helping women who had been molested increase their hope and decrease their anxiety and depression. After intervention, emotional health in a group of such women was just as good as or better than that of women who had not been molested. ... Says Robert Enright, "All of the incest survivors asked us, "Are you sure you want me in the study? I will not forgive this person,' and we said, 'Yes, we want you in the study.' Then they said, 'Well, my motivation for being here is to make myself better.'

" ... A forgiveness intervention with men whose partners had decided to have an abortion showed the same decrease in grief, anger, and anxiety." (Why Good Things Happen to Good People, Post & Neimark)

I ran every day this week except yesterday; instead, I swam for 1 1/2 hours. I keep moving the whole time, swimming laps or treading water. This morning I ran a mile at my fastest speed yet, about 5 mph avg. Still not very fast but an improvement. Now I am SO sore! I called my supervisor to come down and let me in the lab instead of climbing the stairs. I've lost 5 lbs this last month. Running has always been the only way for me to lose weight but I've been in denial, thinking I could do it some other way. Interestingly, since starting to feel runner's high, it's no longer drudgery to get on the treadmill.

Melody is in Oregon at her Aunt Nancy's, picking berries with her cousins. I miss her a lot. The kids are back from their dad's early--they just like to be home. My house was spotless the day before they returned. The next day, when I got home from work, a tornado had come through the front room and kitchen. See? It's not just my housekeeping ability--it's mostly kids.

Have a good day!

Runner's high but inundated with pics

I’ve been jogging pretty consistently for almost a month. I haven’t upped my distance much in that time but I’ve shaved about 3 minutes off my mile time. Tonight, I am feeling my first runner’s high. Wow. It’s been years since I’ve felt that. I’d like to become more familiar with it.

I’ve also been out of school for this last month and have been doing major cleaning and decluttering. The kids are wondering who I am and what I’ve done with their real mom who just reads textbooks all the time. Closets, bookshelves, the pantry, file cabinet, the laundry, and dresser drawers have all been shaved down and straightened. I think it’s partly a reflection of healing on my part. I feel true joy and can’t put my finger on exactly why. But I think that means it’s not contingent on anything external so it can’t be easily taken away from me.

I have hundreds of pictures only about half of which are in photo albums. Do you think it’s necessary to keep every one of them? A lot of them are pre-digital and not that great. I’m thinking of winnowing them down and keeping the best ones because if there are too many, it becomes overwhelming for any of us (my kids) to look at them. We already have 10 binders worth of photos in albums. Do we really want/need 20 or 30? And now that we have scanners, printers, and digital scrapbooks/photo albums, is it necessary to keep zillions of wallet size and smaller photos from all the kids photo shoots and school pics? I don’t want to go overboard with the decluttering but it is SO nice to have empty closet and cupboard space.

Nathan is up to 117 lbs. Last October before heart surgery, he weighed 89 lbs. We went swimming today and he is so much stronger. I expected to see changes but still, I am amazed at what I see and words cannot express how thankful I am for the technology that allowed him to be “normal”. Babies born with TAPVR 35 years ago usually died. Nathan should have died and the fact that he didn’t is a miracle. Even when he was born, the surgery wasn’t as refined, and therefore, successful as it is today.

I am very blessed.

Summer so far; Unrealistic movies--or is that redundant?

July 7, 2011

My son, Spencer is here visiting for a week. Michelle didn’t come bcs their baby is due in two weeks. It’s been fun to have him around although my house is a little boring, especially with the two youngest at their dad’s. Yesterday, Melody and I voted to see Larry Crowne; Spencer and Nathan voted for Transformers 3.

So we ended up at the action movie. It’s not really my kind of movie though the demographic they’re catering to loved it, I’m sure. I don’t want to like Shia Lebeouf but I guess nothing about being a jerk in real life precludes good acting ability. (Or does good acting translate to lots of money which generates jerkiness in real life? He seems to have a lot of company in Hollywood.) In any case, his facial expressions are really great in the movie. He has one very funny, terrifying scene with his car, flying through the air above the freeway and ending up back in the car. But the plot and stunts are ridiculously implausible and the “humanizing” of the machines (features making them old, young, bad guys, feeling pain, etc.) is so fake. But I’m sure that will appeal to kids. The battle scenes went on and on making for an almost 3 hour movie. Two hours would have been more than enough. My kids liked it—Nathan thought it was great.

I have no school now until late August and it’s SO nice to have no homework; no thick books to read two or three times in the next two months. I will hear sometime in July if I am accepted in to the accounting program at BYU. I got an A and an A- in the two prereqs I took Spring term so I’m planning on getting in. I’m still working, too but not very many hours. I will lose my job at the end of August since I’m not a student at UVU anymore.

The current plan is to clean out a closet or cabinet every day while I have time off and to exercise. I made some good progress at first but it’s been slow-going this week. My house is looking much better and less cluttered. I’ve been running, jump-roping without a rope, and skating. The treadmill is drudgery and I have to force myself to go get on it but skating is better, though hard, physically. Just reporting to keep myself accountable.