I recently read a Carolyn Hax column where a woman
is devastated when she overhears someone criticizing her and saying that she is
“awful” and the woman she’s talking to agrees. The first woman thinks of
herself as nice and likeable and wonders what to do. Anyone who’s been on the
planet very long has been disliked or bullied or the target of snark at some
point in life. It doesn’t feel good. I handle it better since my friend Norman
Price told me at least 18 years ago, “Stop expecting everyone to like you.” I try
to concentrate on those who love me easily and avoid those who don’t. I release
them with kindness because it’s perfectly okay if some people don’t like me. We
are all different and gravitate towards some, but not all, people. And I so
love the people that DO gravitate towards me, that “click” with me.
A week or so ago, I was talking on the phone in the
hallway and as a co-worker walked by, the words coming out of my mouth were, “she
is very capable and competent.” She and I made eye contact just as I was saying
this and she kept walking. I was not talking about anyone at work but I
thought, “How nice if she thinks I am talking about her or one of our other
coworkers.” And I would have been horrified if I had been saying something
negative. I would like to be caught more often saying good things about people.
It’s easy to be critical with no thought for the pain we cause others. I’d like to be more like the handful of people
I’ve known who always have something good to say about others. I’ll keep
practicing. J
Approximately four years ago, my life wasn’t what I
wanted it to be. I did not want to make changes but circumstances beyond my
control forced me to completely change my life. Now, I am so very thankful for
all the things that have happened since early 2009. My marriage of 27 years ended, which caused me
great sorrow. Total despair, actually. I learned to get out of bed anyway every
single day. I gained two daughters-in-law to add to the two I already had. I
gained 8 grandchildren to add to the two I already had. I learned to be
grateful for every little thing. I learned to be happy. I earned a bachelor’s
degree. I married the love of my life, hidden in the most unlikely (I thought)
persona of Keith Chandler. Sometimes I ask him, “Who knew we would be so happy
together?!” He answers, “NO one!” Then we both laugh. I found a job at BYU
where I would be happy to stay until I retire. I didn’t get back to what I weighed
at 30 or even 39. I possibly ate too much chocolate. I often didn’t get enough
sleep. But still, my cup runneth over. I am awash in gratitude and joy. What
more could I ask?
An old post I don't remember writing. This is why you should write things down!
September 3, 2012
Things I’ve heard people say recently:
Grandma, you are such a nice girl! (Victoria)
If William hits me at my house, then my dad has to
come home from work in THREE MINUTES! (Claudya)
But if we split it in half, she’ll take ALL of it!
(Nathan, referring to his big sister, Melody.)
